dreams

i get my love for and ability to dream from my dad. not the kind of dreaming that involves the imagining of a better life, but the activity that takes place as we sleep. my dad says he looks forward to going to bed each night because he anxiously awaits where his dreams will take him. he says he often meets my mother, who died nine years ago, in his dreams. i have always had frequent and vivid dreams. i revisit the same non-existent places, night after night. i could create a detailed map of the geography of my dream world. i don't dismiss these dreams but neither do i take them seriously. if they have been trying to direct or inform me, i have been oblivious. but, like my dad, i happily anticipate the people and places i will encounter in my sleep each night.

the edge

some of us live on the edge. the edge of comfort, of safety, of fear, of financial ruin.

some of us find the edge inside of us - the edge of sanity, of reason, of depression and that bottomless pit.

some of us seek the edge through daring behaviors, extreme sports, exotic travel, or substance abuse.

and some of us avoid the edge at all costs. we turn away by playing it safe, staying home and following those familiar routines. by holding back.

an artist finds that edge and walks its contours. she values the views from the rim in both directions. she uses the edge as a tool to guide her work.

but the edge, itself, is indifferent to us all.

love, all wrapped up

i know it's been said that you can't give love in a package but i have to share with you some gifts i received this season that warmed my heart.

my friend, deanna, knitted me these beautiful wrist warmers. i can wear these while writing, typing, and even crafting! each time i put them on, i think of all the work and care she put into making them.

my husband gave me this book about the town where both of us graduated from high school. it is a place that is very special for both of us so this book was full of meaning.

as one of my christmas gifts, he bought me a private concert, via skype, with tristen. she is an amazing, young musician who happens to be very personable. the deal also included a journal and scarf handmade by her!

my sister and her sweet family sent me these earrings. when i was young i loved anything celestial. leave it to a sibling to remember who you are, what you treasure under the layers of age. i am overwhelmed that she reminded me of me.

my stepdaughter gave me this precious bracelet. it is symbolic of so much we have been through but states that love ultimately remains.

and, yes, sometimes it can be wrapped and gifted at christmas.

wild deep

holiday decor (still in progress)

i have been in what some call the wild deep. that place within myself that is far removed from others, from social obligation, from reaching out. i have been constantly thinking and creating, though: silently, thoughtfully, intensely. and now i am ready to share all that i have harbored. the holiday season is at our doorstep and i am inviting it in with joy. i plan to be much more visible this month and i have lots to share with you. and i am ready to fully take in what you are doing and look forward to the conversations we will have in this space. thank you for being here.

friendship

one of my friends turned forty last month and decided to celebrate by coming down from colorado to arizona with two of her good friends for veterans' day weekend. they arrived late thursday night and stayed until sunday evening. the time in-between was so full of joy and healing that it can only be described as pure girlfriend magic.

we traveled from phoenix to wickenburg to sedona and all the way up to the grand canyon. but we also journeyed into each other's hearts and stories. we shared hopes and opinions and ideas. the time we spent in each other's presence lasted from morning until early morning and we filled every minute with synergy.

i should be tired and crabby today from the lack of sleep i have gotten. but, instead, i am inspired and content. i feel beyond lucky to have gathered these three women in my space for three days and for the chance to bask in their incredible positive energy. each of them is so full of light and warmth. i am still glowing.

and so i encourage you to round up your friends, new and old. drive. talk and eat and stay up late. spill your secrets onto their laps just to feel the support and love that will fill your soul. give up your sleep and a few days for an experience that will gift you the best of memories. a girls' getaway is not a cliche or just for the young and unattached. it is not a travel industry advertisement. it is for all of us - an opportunity to give and receive the best we have to offer.

and, in case you were wondering, i am to the far right in this photo. HA! no, not really. :-) i am second to the right, surrounded by (left to right) my soul sisters deb, evie, (me), and audrey.

me, a to z

A. Age: 47, on the eve of 48
B. Bed size: Queen. not too big, not too small
C. Chore that you hate: anything that has to do with red tape. or cleaning.
D. Dogs: they are like people - i like some but not others. however, i have had some very special ones in my life. <3
E. Essential start to your day: coffee with cream, a moment of meditation
F. Favorite color: the color of the sky right before it gets dark
G. Gold or Silver: silver
H. Height: 5’11"
I. Instruments you play: I don't play any well but that doesn't stop me from occasionally trying
J. Job title: reading interventionist
K. Kids: none of my own; 4 nephews and 2 nieces; 2 step-children; hundreds of students; currently one cat
L. Live: glendale, arizona; northwest of phoenix
M. Mother’s name: lana kae
N. Nicknames: my nieces and nephews call me lolo :-) my brother and sister used to call me baby when we were growing up even though i was the oldest kid in the family
O. Overnight hospital stays: thankfully none and i intend to keep it that way!
P. Pet peeves: slackers at work
Q. Quote from a movie: "damn it, jim!" oh, that was a tv show. but jim is my husband's name so it is just fun to say every once in awhile
R. Right or left handed: right
S. Siblings: a younger sister and an even younger brother
U. Underwear: comfy over attractive
V. Vegetable you hate: i love veggies!
W. What makes you run late: daydreaming
X. X-Rays you’ve had: arm, teeth
Y. Yummy food that you make: my mom's gingersnap cookies
Z. Zoo animal: i'm really not a zoo person

and you?

lake shore walk

the following is an excerpt from a journal entry i made on sunday, november 6:

we went for a walk along the lake shore this morning. i was comfortable sitting inside but something was beckoning me to step out and experience the day.

the lake water is way down, leaving little "treasures", natural and other-wise, out to view.

the water plants in curvy formations in the sand, rusty railroad spikes, broken glass catching light, driftwood in awkward formations, and rocks in varied colors. thin layers of ice covered small pools of water on the mud, crunching delicately under our feet.

a thin line of geese swam next to us until one of them honked a cryptic directive and they lifted off the water with powerful strokes of wings.

the air here smells of wood smoke and lake water. in the six weeks since we were last here, autumn has settled in where there was once the sparkle of summer.