being back. kind of.

i returned home last saturday from spending a week in italy. the following is one of my pre-sleep scribblings which describes how i feel after jumping back into regular life again.

i have been so tired this week. it is as if i am still there, but here, and not quite whole. flying is hard for my spirit and i blame it on having an old soul not used to speeding through the air above the earth. at night, i snuggle with sleep, unwilling to release it when the time comes to get up. in the dark, my mind sorts through the memories from our trip: mentally sorting, scrapbooking, journaling. i was gone only a week but this vacation will last as a part of me now, settling into the frame of my life, graphing itself into me for good.

love letter to rome

a page from my travel journal featuring a vintage postcard of the colosseum

dear rome,

i have been away from you much too long, i know. there was a time in my life when you were my truest love and i thrived in your embrace. well, i am returning in just a few short days to see you again. this time i have no checklist, no agenda, for you and i are beyond that stage in our relationship. i am coming back to just sit in your piazzas, walk your cobblestone streets, and drink in the intoxicating atmosphere that has made you popular for centuries. and, i must tell you, i am bringing someone with me - you don't know him but he is someone i believe will be as enamored with you as i am. so look for us as we look for you. and know how much it has meant to me over the years that you remain solid in a world that spins much too fast.

love, me

*i will be in italy for a week, october 8 - 14. a presto!

prickly love

while hiking a couple of weekends ago, i spotted this cactus. at first it seemed like such an opposition - a heart with spines?! we snapped a few photos and moved on down the trail. but this image has stayed with me and i have given a lot of thought to why this cactus is the perfect spokes-thing for love. lets face it, love is often very fickle and hard to hang on to. it is visible but difficult to approach. we like to imagine it as warm and fuzzy but it can be pokey and cause pain. just think of how we protect our own vulnerable hearts behind defense mechanisms more complex, but just as effective, as thorns. so a cactus heart really does have a lot to say about the nature of love. pliers, anyone?!

the truth

the truth is i would love to write and paint and create more often than i do. i run around through my days with ideas simmering in my head but often that is where they stay.

the truth is i want to blog every day or at least several times a week but this isn't what happens. sometimes more than a week slips by between posts.

the truth is i work a full time job in which i use up so much energy doing the way i believe it needs to be done. there are evenings when i arrive home with nothing left to give.

the truth is i sometimes get discouraged and begin to believe that i should put all my artistic pursuits on the shelf. at least for now. and just focus on the immediate things that need to be accomplished on a daily basis.

but the truth is i would not be me if i gave up on this part of my life. so i will continue to search for those bits of free time, treasure and use them fully when they appear, and try not to berate myself when a few days go by that are filled up with the other parts of my life. i will have faith that there will be time, here and there, for all i wish to do.

my love of clouds

i love clouds. i find them more interesting and beautiful than anything else i see on a daily basis. how lucky i am that what i enjoy so much is easily found here on earth by just looking up most days.

click here for an absolutely gorgeous view of clouds. and let me know what it is that you love to look at.

where i'm from

Where I'm From

I am from the shadow of mountains, from coca cola and long, dusty roads.

I am from the little cozy houses throughout the west, filled with outdoor treasures and warm fires.

I am from the lilac bushes in spring, my mom's carefully planted petunias, scattered cedar trees, sage brush, wildflowers and lots of wood.

I am from homemade Christmas presents and philosophical dinner conversations, the Little House books and the music of John Denver, from Lana and Rex, Meezy and Dirty Dan.

I am from the gypsies and the scholars, the dreamers and the workers, the hunters and the gatherers.

From "play rough, get hurt" and "people are more important than things."

I am from the natural places more sacred than churches, poetry recited aloud, the wonder of science, the power of gratitude, and the embrace of uncertainty.

I am from the Black Hills and the Rocky Mountains, Lake Pend O'reille and countless winding rivers, nourished by elk burger, gingersnap cookies, and homemade birthday cakes.

From the little brown nickel my mom tried to buy an ice cream with, the wolf my dad saw in the Colorado mountains, and the shoes my grandma coveted when she was young and oh, so poor.

I am from keeping memories in my mind (so they will never be lost) and the joy of retelling family stories to each other and our newest members.

*This template was used by Corrine on her blog last week. I just loved reading hers and had so much fun writing my own. The original can be found here in case you would like to try it.

signs

one day a couple months ago we took my two nephews for a hike. the beginning of the hike was steep and we all stayed together, sharing water and taking breaks. then, on the way back down to the trail head, they picked up their pace and got way ahead of us. i was somewhat worried since i could not see them and wasn't even sure they stayed on the right trail. then to my delight, we found some signs on the path that they had made with sticks and rocks to let us know they were up ahead.

this one says lolo, which is what they call me

here they scratched my name in the dirt and left an arrow pointing to which way they had gone

i often wish there were more signs in life to show us which way to go and let us know we are on the right path. maybe i just need to slow down and start paying attention.